Ever since I started to focus solely on weightlifting, qualifying for Masters Nationals was one of the primary goals I set for myself.
I tried to keep grinding, knowing I was so far out from hitting the numbers that I needed. I tried to keep grinding when I felt like I was close and then saw the total be increased even further out of reach. I tried to keep grinding when I had friends who would compete in their first meet and qualify for Nationals on their first or second clean & jerk. I tried to keep grinding.
And I did just that.
For the past 2 years, I have set my alarm for 3:45 a.m. and gone into the gym, working on anything and everything that I could strictly to get closer to those numbers and eventually exceed them. I changed programming. I changed my focus. I changed my outlook. I changed so much, solely for the sake of those numbers. They were what drove me.
I put too much pressure on myself because of those numbers. Last year, I signed up for a few meets back to back and every time I walked into the door for training, I was focused on Nationals. It drove me. I believe at some point it began to drive me into the ground. If I had a bad day in training, I wasn’t able to just shake it off and start fresh the following day. I felt behind. I felt the weight of not meeting my goals. And when I left a meet without being able to lift what I needed to lift, I felt like a failure.
I totally lost track of the fun in the process. I totally lost track that very few people can lift weights competitively. I lost track of all of the PRs and successes that come with overcoming a bad back injury. I lost track of so much.
Over the past two training cycles, I have had a few “heavy single” days where I have hit over the number that I need for Masters Nationals. And when I first realized that I figured that it would be a huge source of pride and accomplishment. Oddly enough, it wasn’t. I didn’t really feel all that different than I do now. It made me wonder if being able to hit those those numbers now (Albeit training and not yet on the platform) has taken some of the allure away.
I am certainly still driven to qualify, but I feel like that this goal is finally within reach and that I need to start also thinking about what is next after this.