Lately, all of the movements and progressions have felt really good. My body image however, well that is an entirely different story.
For some reason, I feel far bigger than I have been. All of my clothes still fit fine. Well, my shirts are noticeably tighter in the chest, shoulders, and arms, but I just feel bigger and slower. I am not sure that I expected to run a strength biased cycle and lose weight, but I also did not expect to feel fatter than I usually do. My main problem area, at least from my perspective, is my gut. I don’t necessarily care about my weight, but would love to get rid of my stomach. I don’t have to have a 6-pack. I don’t have to be totally shredded. I don’t have to weigh a specific weight. If I weighed exactly what I do now, but with no gut, I would be content. At least in my mind that is how I feel.
My wife continually tells me this is all in my head. Perhaps it is. We are always are own worst critics and seldom do I give myself a break or cut myself some slack. I feel like the minute I start doing that then I won’t be pushing toward my goals. At the end of the day, I should be happy and proud that I wake up at 3:50a to train as hard as I do on a regular basis, day in and day out, year after year. Most people don’t have the dedication to exercise at all, much less do it at the time I do. Still, this thought process is just how I am wired perhaps.
I go in waves.
About 2 weeks ago, I had locked down my nutrition and added some extra cardio. I was feeling pretty good. I got on the scale and it said I was up a pound and a half. I was a little shocked at that and thought it might be something wrong with our digital scale. After all, how are these things calibrated. I changed the age in the settings from a 40 year old male to a 41 year old male and then it said I had gained 5 pounds. Later that day I went out to Target and bought an $8 non-digital, old school scale. But being down on myself, I haven’t weighed since that time. I seriously hate weighing on a regular basis now. It used to be a big thing for me, especially when I got started, because with a goal of only to lose weight, it was really the only true measurement of my success for me because I never wanted to just “go based on how I felt” like some would have wanted me to. Now, I really despise getting on the scale. Part of me feels like I have to, another part says to just go by how I feel.
Well, this week I feel “big” and still don’t want to weigh because of that feeling.
The most frustrating part is not really knowing where to head from here. Thanksgiving is this week and the food choices will be more difficult for me. My gym routine won’t be an issue. But I have a feeling that when the week is over and done with, I am not going to be feeling like I lost weight. Perhaps setting different weekly goals will be the best thing moving forward. Maybe this week, my goal will be not to lose my mind at Thanksgiving, but to enjoy food in moderation, and to continue my workouts, then worry about the scale next week. I do believe that if I plan to eat perfectly and workout and add cardio and drop weight that I will be disappointed when it comes time to weigh in and that will spiral me further downwards.
Realistic goals seem to be the better choices here, so that is what I will shoot for.